QuickCoach: Dealing with Anger


Beneath anger there is usually a more intense or painful emotion
that we do not want to face. Hence, it is easier just to experience and
express anger externally and distract ourselves from noticing the
more intense feelings underneath the surface. Gaining awareness of
intense emotions can help us to determine their source, and can
ultimately lead to a resolution.

When you feel anger, do not immediately express the anger
outwardly; acknowledge it and take the time to thoroughly
experience this sensation. Stop in that moment and become attuned
to your emotional state in all its complexity. Close your eyes, breathe
deeply, focus your attention at the base of your spine, clear your
mind, and pay attention.

The feelings underlying the anger may include resentment, jealousy,
sadness, depression, and ultimately fear.

Solution
Remind yourself that the feelings and thoughts you are having come
from a part of you that is afraid (this could be a fear of many things
-- fear of loss, fear of not being good enough, and so on).

Ask yourself if you want your choices or behaviour to be controlled
by a part of you that is motivated by fear.

Then ask yourself what a loving, compassionate and wise you would
do. When you find the answer, you can choose to act on it or not.
Whatever choice you make is a responsible choice, because you
took the time to contemplate your decision. When you choose
mindfully you become conscious of the potential consequences of
that judgment. A responsible choice may not always be the wisest
alternative, but it is one created with greater awareness of the
factors that motivated you to make it.



















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